I was at a Halloween party with my 5-year old daughter yesterday. I didn’t know many people when I arrived but struck up a few friendly conversations over truly outstanding chili and a glass of wine. But the question I was asked at the end haunts me which is appropriate given the holiday.
That question: “Is this your only child?”
My answer: “yes.”
I lied. I simply didn’t want to get into it. There were cupcakes and costumes and kids bobbing for apples so I just didn’t feel like launching into the loss of our son. Didn’t matter that I’m making a movie about the subject for the whole world to see… I just didn’t want to bring everyone “down”. The irony here is that I just read an amazing blog post from amourningmom on unspokengrief.com last week here which addresses the issue. Fully aware of this, I still answered “yes.” Unbelievable.
I’ll read that other link - unspokengrief.
Do not let the guilt eat you up. He understands. I usually tell people when asked, “I do have a daughter, she lives in Heaven.” Usually they leave it at that. Occasionally I am asked further, which I gently explain that she was stillborn, and she was and is still a blessing in our lives. I hope this helps.
Sending you lots of love. This particular question is one I know causes a lot of internal conflict when we are asked. You’re not alone. xxo