(This is a guest blog about Alana Marie from her mother, Elizabeth. Thank you for sharing this story and the beautiful pictures with us, Elizabeth.)
I just want to tell you thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this movie.
I lost my daughter Alana Marie Croes when I was 27 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy had been perfect up till 11/11/12 when I noticed I hadn’t felt any movement in two days. I kept thinking it was all in my head and because I was so busy finishing the nursery the last two days that I just didn’t feel them.
I tried all the tricks to get her to kick and nothing. My husband took me to the ER, the whole drive I kept thinking that as soon as we get there they will find her heartbeat and I will feel like the crazy pregnant lady. When they checked for her heart beat they couldn’t find it and as soon as my doctor got there they did an ultrasound. I kept praying that he would tell me she is fine and that she was just laying weird. I could tell it was not going to be good because it took so long.
My doctor said “I’m sorry there is no heart beat.” I yelled “no” and lost it. My doctor brought us back to a room and told us our options. Since we are from a very small town we had to drive 2 1/2 hours to get to the hospital where I would be induced and have my baby. I then had to call my family at tell them we lost our baby, to say out loud “we lost the baby” was something I never thought I would ever have to say.
I am so thankful we had amazing nurses that talking us through everything and made us feel as comfortable as we could. We were told about NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep) and how they would send a photographer to the hospital if we waned to take pictures after our baby was born. I knew I wanted pictures of my daughter so we agreed.
At 4:27am on 11/12/12 my angel was born. My husband and sister were in the room while I delivered her and my mom came in right after she was born. The photographer was there from 4:30am to 9am and took the most beautiful priceless pictures, and was able to take pictures of her being baptized. The moment they put her in my arms I felt a love I had never felt before. My husband and I held her, rocked her, kissed her and talked to her.
Four hours after she was born I had to say goodbye and kiss my baby for the last time. Knowing it was the last time I was going to kiss my baby ripped my heart apart.
I told her that her Mommy and Daddy love her more then she will ever know and one day we will join her in heaven and hold her again.
We then had to so something no parent should ever do. We have to start planning our babies funeral. My family and friends have been so supportive and I know without them and without the support from my husband I wouldn’t have made it though the first week. I miss my daughter every day and I still pray that I will wake up from this nightmare and feel her kick.
Thank you again for breaking the silence.
- Elizabeth Croes
