Bridger Lee’s Story

(This is a guest blog by Darrenn and Willow about their son Bridger. Thank you for sharing this with us.)

Shortly after the death of Lylac, we began to discuss having another baby; little did we know that Bridger was already with us. This news brought joy and comfort to Willow and me. We found out you were a little boy and we were getting very excited to have three brothers. We talked about how you would be the ‘bridge’ between Lylac and our family. We guessed which brother you would be more like, as many of you know, are very different. We envisioned you being calm and easy going to relate to Thatcher and tough and spirited, considering you would have to be if you’re Gunnison’s little brother.

As many of you could imagine, Bridger’s pregnancy was a difficult one for us emotionally. With the placenta positioned so it was difficult for us to feel him and that he was more of a stretcher than a kicker, it was often difficult for us to feel his movements. We had several incidents were we had a quiet time to focus on his movements and even once time that we made a trip to the hospital to ensure that he was doing alright. The result every time was that we simply had a hard time feeling the little guy; he was a very healthy and active boy with a strong heartbeat and very active mover.

We spent Bridger’s last days on a wonderful family vacation. We spent a lot of time on the beach in anticipation of you joining us. We were so excited for you for you to join our family as we celebrated the first anniversary of your sister being gone. It was a truly an amazing family vacation.

After our family vacation, and after another quiet time during our vacation, we had another incident when we got back to Colorado and felt we needed to go to Willows doctor to ensure that Bridger was still doing alright. They began our assessment with a heartbeat monitor which was unsuccessful. This was followed with an ultrasound which confirmed our worst fears - once again, our baby had passed away.

The pain of this loss is unbearable. We both have felt that the gift of Bridger was from God to act as a healing pregnancy after the loss of our daughter. But, as the saying goes, God is mysterious and elected to take our son. What was seen as healing has become devastating. Bridger’s face looked amazingly like Lylac. He has the same wavy dark hair, the same lips and eyes and a very similar facial structure. He has Thatcher’s nose and limbs and Gunnison’s stout body. Lylac was 35 weeks old and passed on March 26. Bridger was 34 weeks old and passed April 7.

Last night, April 8, I walked to our church Calvary Aurora which is just up the street from our home. Jeremiah Wheelersburg was there and shared a scripture that truly helped me. Romans 8:18-27: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen in no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

When Jeremiah shared this with me what really stood out was that I do not have my two children, Lylac and Bridger. It is my hope, for which I will patiently wait, to see them in heaven when God calls me home. In the interim, I pray that the Spirit will intercede for me because I feel that this devastation has crushed me beyond my expression. I pray that the Spirit helps me in my weakness.

At the hospital, a card was posted on our door that had an image of an oak leaf with a water droplet on it. This image has come to represent Bridger for Willow and me and on the back of the card a poem was written:

“The leaf with the teardrop reflects both intense suffering of loss and hope for the future. Though fallen, the leaf maintains its vitality symbolizing hope. It cradles the teardrop with its upturned edges creating a sense of comfort. As seasons change, so do feelings. Just as there is winter and spring, there is sadness and hope.”

Again we received such amazing support, when we were in the hospital we got the privilege of meeting Laura from string of pearls, our story is not a typical string of pearls story. Laura put it best “different path same ending” She really supported us as we trying to make our way through this path.

Now that we it has been three years since Lylac death and two since Bridger’s I can say we have found the hope, the good that God has given us our we had a good marriage now we have a great one.