(This is a guest blog by Darrenn and Willow about their daughter Lylac. Thank you for sharing this with us.)
The story of our little girl starts with the birth of our youngest boy, Gunnison. We had just moved into our home in Aurora, Colorado and we were expecting our second child. When Gunnison was born our oldest, Thatcher, began to realize the life that was possible with a sibling. Although Gunn and Thatch were building a relationship that is not like any other you can have on earth, Thatcher told us just a couple months after we were blessed with Gunner that he was praying for a baby sister. Several times we remember Thatch during family prayers; whether it be before bed, at the moment, or ever before dinner prayers, would rush through the applicable prayer and then pray that God would give him a baby sister.
As the months passed and as Gunnison got older Willow and I felt that it was time to grow our family. We wanted our family to be about the same age difference and so we began trying for another baby. Willow has wanted a larger family and Darrenn wanted a smaller family and the third baby was the compromise – and the final addition to our family. We didn’t wait long; after only four months of trying we found out we were pregnant July of 2009. As I’m sure that you could imagine, Thatcher was ecstatic and absolutely certain that God has answered his prayer for his baby sister. Willow, on the other hand, was a bit unsettled because one of my wife’s “small” prayers was for a baby girl born in April and it initially looked as though the baby was going to be born in May. But God answers prayer – even the “small” ones. We soon found out that our newest addition had an expectant birth date of April 26, 2010 – an April baby with a couple days to spare.
As the pregnancy progressed we soon found that she was unlike any other pregnancy that we have ever experienced. Willow got a healthy dose of “morning” sickness; which in her case could have been called “all day” sickness. But because this we going to be our last pregnancy we were determined to be thankful and enjoy every minute. Then, as the sickness slowly subsided, Willow got a healthy dose of heartburn and pregnancy asthma. But, yet again, we remained joyful and thankful. She was our little girl and any side effect was acceptable; even relished.
Our boys and I began to visualize the pregnancy and we began to interact with her. We would read, sing, dance, and even communicate via vibratory raspberries to our princess that was still developing in her mother. She was never a heavy mover; always moving very lightly and almost never with strong movements. She was our Butterfly. I only felt her a couple times because of her light movements and loved feeling them when I had the chance. Several times Willow, in concern for her, would do at home ‘stress tests’ and lie still to feel her after meals. She was always there, and we could always find her no matter how light her movements were.
But God, who is mysterious and leads us in trial in our lives that we don’t understand, had a plan that we were not anticipating. March 26 2010 my wife was yet again worried for our little girl. She hadn’t felt the baby for several hours – although chasing two high energy boys isn’t ideal for focusing and feeling our Butterfly’s little movements. We ate our dinner and sat down for an hour after we had laid the boys down. We couldn’t feel her. We couldn’t find her heartbeat with our at home heart monitor. We contacted our doctor and then proceeded to the hospital to see what our little one was up to.
We arrived at Sky Ridge Medical Center March 26, 2010 at 7:40 PM. I had just gotten home from work and Willows mother had just gotten home. It was Thursday night and we had a standing babysitting arrangement so Willow and I could go to our salsa dancing lessons – but this evening we elected to go to the hospital to monitor our daughter and be certain that she doing ok. We arrived at Sky Ridge and checked into the pregnancy ward and were escorted to the labor and delivery triage. The nurse at this point used a fetal heart monitor and attempted to find her heart tones to no avail. She then escorted us to a labor and delivery suite, called Willow’s doctor and performed a sonogram. It was at this point that I could see that our baby girl, our princess, our Butterfly…. wasn’t moving - at all. Nothing. My heart broke. Willow told me that hope wasn’t gone – the hospital has asked that a radiologist complete another scan with a more powerful machine. This machine gave the same result. Our baby girl was dead.
Devastation.
Loss.
Pain.
Why had this happened? What could we have done? Did I do something wrong? A million destructive questions entered our minds tearing our very souls. But no question… no answer could bring our Lylac back to us. Her life was in the past. Willow and I now had to face our present; birthing our baby Lylac - our Butterfly - as a still-born child. God gives and he takes away. Our April baby was going to be born March 26, 2010. She passed away March 25, 2010.
We informed our families and shared our news with them. As the news spread quickly, the unbelievable support of our family and friends became apparent. Our pastor, Pastor Ed, of Calvary Chapel Aurora was at the hospital quickly. My parents came from northern Colorado within a couple hours. Willows parents stayed with our boys to support them – we were surrounded by love. Willow’s network at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) supported us in phenomenal ways – we have meals organized for us for the next month. Willows parents, although they too were devastated by the news, stayed with our boys and comforted Thatcher who, at 5 years old, was able to a degree to understand what was happening. My parents came and gave their support to us. My mother stayed that first night with us, supporting us though several difficulties including Willow getting an epidural and me blacking out due to dehydration and stress.
She was born March 26, 2010 at 12:10 in the afternoon. She weighed 4 pounds, 12 ounces and was 17” long. She was right on track for her age and had no apparent signs as to why she passed away. She had almond shaped eyes, perfect little ears, a cute pudgy nose and a smooth chin. Her hands were rather large - larger than her feet - and she had long legs with petite feet. She was perfect. And still is, with our heavenly father. We held her for three hours, taking photos and other memories while she was with us. When we were ready let her go and the hospital proceed with what we had planned, we were yet again flooded with the support of our friends and family that were there to support us. We will continue to need your support. I assure you, we are thankful for all that are with us in this trying time and we thank you and need your support and love.
- Darrenn, Willow, Thatcher, and Gunnison written in memory of Lylac Butterfly Call
Willow, this is the first time I heard your full story. You and your family are so brave! As always, you are in our prayers. We will miss you at mops!