Maci Eve’s Story

(This is a guest blog by Amanda about her daughter, Maci. Thank you for sharing this with us, Amanda.)

Wow, two lines… TWO LINES! After two and a half years of trying nothing made me happier than seeing those two little lines.

I phoned my fiancé and he couldn’t believe he was finally going to be a daddy, his very 1st baby! After raising my three girls for the past 6 years this wonderful guy was chuffed about now raising his own “son”.

Things were fantastic although I was extreamly sick all the time. We made it past the 12 week mark and started to share our news with our family and close friends. Glen’s cousin was also expecting (8 weeks further than us.) She breezed thru, and I struggled everyday. I vomited every day at least 8 times a day for what seemed forever.

Had our 1st ultrasound and all seemed fine. Weeks pass, and I had the next scan and up on the screen was our daughter. She was small but there she was… Very active, strong heart but measuring 4 weeks smaller than she should have been! But no probs the O.B just changed my due date and kept going as normal. I was still so violently ill for the next few months.

Christmas came and went as did New Years then we got the phone call… Our cousin lost her daughter at 41 weeks. I went into shock or a panic. What if this happens to me???? I didn’t attend Nikita’s funeral as I thought I may cause further upset being that I was so blissfully pregnant. I couldn’t shake that question “What if it was me?” My heart was broken for her, how do you go on after you lose your child? How does a parent arrange a burial for a baby? I just couldn’t understand.

Then 6 weeks later the worst week of my life unfolds and completely alters my future. My vomiting had stopped and I was just loving being pregnant. My girlfriends threw me a massive baby shower. My nursery was complete, bags were packed and we couldn’t wait to meet our baby! My daughters were counting the days ’till she arrived.

I went for my check up as usual and things were fine. Baby was still small but her heart was strong nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary “go home and we’ll see you next week” says the doctor.

That was Tuesday. Thursday I spend all day out bridal shopping for our aunt (whom was dying from cancer.) I finished up, went home, then it hit me “I’ve not felt movement all day”. So I get out the timer and take to the bed for the next few hours… I tried to tell myself I was over-reacting, things were fine, go to sleep… The baby always gets very active the minute I want to sleep-by this stage it’s 11:30pm and I know something’s wrong. I get dressed, kiss Glen good bye, take myself to the hospital.

Everything’s a blur till my O.B (also a friend) says “Amanda I’m sorry you what I’m about to say” I’m frozen, I can’t make a sound or move a muscle I just sat there staring… What just happened??? What the F*#k ??? Am I dreaming??? Is this real??? I manage to call Glen and tell him to get to me now, next thing I remember is Glen, my children, my mum his mum and his sister all there it’s 4 am and I’ve had to tell them all our baby is never coming home!

I decided to get induced straight away (if I had of gone home I wouldn’t have gone back.) 13 hrs later my baby girl was born, I couldn’t bare to see her or hold her as it just hurt to much. We named her, and from that moment I will never be the same. That was March 2012. I cry every day… I will never heal from this and I don’t think I will every have another child!

Maci Eve, too beautiful for earth x

- Amanda